How to Get Over a Breakup
We’ve all been through a break up before. You know the drill.
Agony, pain, loss.
It literally feels like someone has driven a knife through your chest.
I know how you feel. Whatever you’re going through, just know you are not alone. There might be that one relationship you’re trying to get over. Or it could be as fresh as yesterday. It might be a relationship that hasn’t even happened yet.
Believe it or not, we all have battled with these types of breakups at least once in our lives. I can attest to that. If you’re looking for ways to cope after a particularly painful breakup, then read on…
Love Yourself
This is number one!
I know it can like the hardest thing to do when you’re mulling over a past relationship, but you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.
If you’re not tending to yourself first, the grieving process will be that much hard.
When we’re trying to get over somebody, we reminiscent about the relationship, the good times, and the goosey feelings that we sometimes forget about our own well-being. If that means eating a bucket of ice cream or blasting your favorite music in the car or going for a walk, always remember YOU are number one.
Not them.
Forgive
To cope with the feelings, we find ourselves blaming others (or worse) blaming ourselves. We try to find excuses why the relationship didn’t work out and why it should have.
We replay all the happy moments looking past all the bad stuff that happened. You must learn to let go and forgive everything that happened between you and your ex.
How? — Well, when was the last time you forgave someone? Let that feeling rush over you. Close your eyes and envision the person you forgave. And take that emotion like blanket and wrap it around the breakup.
You forgive the relationship, you forgive the situation, and you forgive everything that happened to you in the past.
Reflect
While you ruminate over the emotions, know that every experience we have is meant to teach us something.
Even though we might not see it right away, the feelings of the break up are teaching us how to acknowledge pain and suffering.
The relationship ended for a reason. Whether the breakup was mutual, the other person’s decision, or yours, you’ll realize one day that there was a reason for it.
The relationship didn’t work out because you have a different path in life, and that’s okay.
Sometimes, it’s for the better.
How you choose to look at the situation is up to you. You get to decide what it all meant. There may never be closure, and that’s okay too. Your experience is what you make of it.
DO NOT CALL/TEXT/REACH OUT TO THEM
I cannot stress this step enough.
If you can unfollow or block your ex on social media, DO IT.
If you want to save face and not block/unfollow, then fine. But do not go on their social media page. If you can, abstain from your social media page if it’s impossible not to see updates from them. This step is so crucial because one slip of going on their profile can put you back to square one real quick. Give yourself a break from them. I would declare one month should do it, but if you really can’t do it, PLEASE give yourself at least one week away from their social media. For your sake! This is so that you’re not constantly putting them back in your mind’s eye. You need to focus on yourself during this period. This includes any old photos of them or reading through old texts or conversations. Do not go down that hole.
The road to recovery requires time.
You can recover from anything, I believe in you.
Hang out with your friends
Your friends want to help you and they love you. (They probably missed you after you’ve gone off the grid for a while.)
Message some of your older friends you haven’t seen in a while, and get out of the house!
However, remember to respect your friend’s time. Don’t be too moppy about the ex. This puts as much strain on your friends as much you.
When you’re with your friends, try not to be so into your feelings. You’re only going to hurt your friendship, and ruin the time you’re spending together.
Your friends are there because they are supportive and love you. Don’t abuse that love.
Work out and eat healthy
Yeah, yeah. *Rolls eyes*
Most cliché remedy in the book, am I right?
But as easy and cliché as it sounds, it’s goddamned important!
Did you know that working out helps regulate your mood? Eating healthy gives you the fuel to keep your body going. Going through heartbreak actually puts a strain on the immune system. So you need to do everything in your power to help yourself out of the rut.
A walk without headphones on could give you a new perspective on life. Or listen to music, whatever you want. Just get out there and get some exercise, get that blood flowing.
Try learning a new healthy recipe. It’ll help focus your attention on the recipe and you can have a beautiful home cooked meal for yourself at the end. Delicious!
Create something
One of the best ways to move past a relationship that didn’t work out is through channeling your feelings into a piece of artwork. Why not write a poem or sculpt something out of clay. It doesn’t need to be pretty, but if you can channel your energy into something creative, you will remember you are a human being. Human beings are meant to create. Don’t forget that.
Meditate
Some people might think that it will be difficult to meditate with an ex on the mind.
Allow it to be.
Of course it will be difficult to clear your mind when your ex is running laps around in it. But remember that you are the master of your mind.
Being in a calm state of mind is easier than you think. Start off with a 15 minute timed session. Set aside this time so that you can nurture this practice uninterrupted.
Find a comfortable spot and sit with your legs crossed. Set your timer to 15 mins and set it somewhere away from you. You can have your hands in your lap, one over the other, or you can put them on either leg. Whichever way, make sure you are comfortable enough to sit for the 15 mins. Focus on your breath, going in and out of your nostrils. Focus on the swirling of air and how delicate it is. Whatever comes into your mind, let it be. But once you realize those thoughts, re-focus on the breath. Do this until your alarm goes off.
Meditate once a day at a time that works best for you. Learning to pay more attention to thoughts will aide in healing your mind.
Last but not least…you ARE loved
Even though the relationship has ended, you are loved. By your parents, by your siblings, by your friends. Most importantly, by yourself.
Loving yourself is a skill that requires practice. But don’t forget that you’re on this earth to experience all there is to offer. Perhaps this heartbreak is painful, but there many times where you have been adored and felt love on a different level. Everything happens for a reason, including this. If you had not experienced such a heartbreak, how will you know true love when you see it?
There are other loves in the universe
You will see!
In time, everything passes. Everything heals. And the cycle begins again.
Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the whole world, but at the end of the day, it’s an emotion that humans have to experience. You are on this earth and in this place to love. So move on and be happy, there’s plenty of love to experience.
